It’s no secret that I work in a cubicle farm. As farms go, they’re not half bad. The sun occasionally overpowers the fluorescent lights, and there’s a water cooler and free breakfast on Fridays. Exercise, however, is not something I fit in at my desk.
Apparently, friends, I’ve been doing this all wrong. Since sitting at a desk for hours a day shortens your life, it is necessary, it is vital, for us office workers to take a stand (literally) and commence in strange arm motions and alterna-desks that will make us look like (fit! healthy!) lunatics.
So abandon your office chair, conventional desk, and every modicum of self respect and get your office workout on today!
1. Treadmill desks
Why settle for something as silly as a simple chair when you could walk your way to the top? For the low price of $2,593, you can prolong your life one humiliating step at a time with a treadmill desk!
The decrease in typing speed, concentration and productivity of yourself and mocking co-workers is just a small price to pay for your health.
2. Exercise ball chairs
Look at this guy:
Doesn’t he look delighted to be using his new exercise ball in place of a chair? To have his bottom lovingly coddled by the firm yet yielding rubber? So delighted, in fact, he has abandoned his work, and is merely staring into an empty manila folder.
“Where did it all go wrong?” He wonders, his thoughts struggling to be heard over the sound of a nearby treadmill and giggling co-workers. “Why can’t I balance on this thing?”
Use of an exercise ball as a chair is as follows:
- Sit on ball.
- Topple off of the ball, and feel pride crash to the floor along with your body.
3. Workout Routines
Photos from Good Housekeeping
When you get tired of falling off your exercise ball, you too can awkwardly squat over your chair, just like this woman! This 25 minute office fitness routine, which involves stairs, windmill stretches, squats and wall pushups, is designed to keep you mobile and fit by moving you repeatedly through the office for 25 minutes while everyone else is working.
Why do this at the gym or home where it might look normal, when one could just as easily do it in an environment designed for well-dressed computer productivity?
So ignore your laughing coworkers as you squat for 2-3 minutes over your exercise ball. Pay no attention to your boss asking you where your report is as you do wall pushups outside of his office. Those people on the first floor have no reason to complain about you tramping up and down the stairs for 20 minutes. You are fit! You are fabulous!
You are fired.