The problem with running

I think my biggest problem when it comes to running is that in my head I run like this:

This is a photo of me from my 5 mile race. True story.

When, in reality, I run like this:


I run like this, except 10x more sweaty and 100x less chill. And I’m moving, I guess.

My main problem is when I run on the treadmill (hey, not everyone lives in runner-friendly neighborhoods!). I get all overambitious and set it high, then poop out after .24 miles and wonder where it all went wrong.

Next thing you know, it’s been three miles and I’ve either slowed down to a reasonable pace, or I’m stubbornly going along with that original speed and trying to ignore the weird cramps in my feet/ankle area. (Hint: It’s usually the last one.)

I keep lying to telling myself that it just takes me three miles to warm up. Which is sort of true, but I think my lower half just goes numb so it doesn’t notice that it’s in pain. Which, hey, that’s cool with me.

I get annoyed sometimes when people are all “Yay, I went for a 8 mile run today and I was flying and the birds were singing! Look upon my inhuman splits!” Yeah, sure, that happens sometimes, but not everyday. If it did, we’d be like this:


Not pictured are her singing animal friends carrying her water and GU


Yes, that’s a drawing a Belle out for a jaunty run. Note her minimalist shoes.

Would you trip a Disney Princess (Cinderella, Belle, Snow White, etc) if they were running a race with you?


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4 Responses to The problem with running

  1. Kara says:

    I wouldn’t trip, but I’d sure as hell trip one of those princesses. I hate those perfect bitches.


    The key to feeling fast is to get some slower friends. Not a lot slower, but enough that you feel warm and fuzzy inside.

    I should really write a self help book.

  2. biz319 says:

    I am the same way – I start out too fast, and I can’t keep up with it – I’ve now learned that I have to start out at least the first mile at 4.5 mph, then gradually increase it – I am no speed demon, I usually end up at around 6.0 mph by the last half mile of a 5k – but it does take a while to get into the groove!

  3. emily says:

    Hi Allison! I stumbled across your blog today and you crack me up. I feel the same way as you when I run…that I am doing amazingly well, when in reality I know people passing by want to call me an ambulance. And yes, I’d SO trip a Disney princess! (And I always want to cause harm to people who wear those ridiculous-looking shoes. I mean, really?!)

    Kara, I’d buy your self-help book!

  4. Tara says:

    I just found your blog today from a mention on another blog I follow and this post had me cracking up in my office. Love it and I feel the same!

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